I love being at home with my kids and the freedom and flexibility it gives me. I really like that our days can be slow and quiet the majority of the time.
While, overall, I love our life at home, I find that I'm still trying to get into a groove. Being at home all day and running the house and trying to teach/feed/play with/diaper/discipline/nurture kids is quite a balancing act. And then there's the issue of trying to stay productive. When I was anticipating not working anymore, I was just sure I would get so much done with all the newfound time at home I would have once I stopped working. I get a lot of things done, but I have also found that without schedules and deadlines looming over my head, it's really easy to fall into the trap of doing a whole lot of nothing. (There I came clean and said it. Whew!)
When Elena was first born I was in school and working. Then I graduated, but was still working. I have been a mom for just over three years and two of those three years I was also working. Being so busy was driving me crazy and I wasn't doing any of my jobs (wife, mom, colorguard instructor, student, etc.) well.
It is a good thing that I am at home being able to focus on being a mom. It's absolutely what I want - I'm so thankful that we are in a position where I can do that and be the one teaching and taking care of my kids and getting to watch them grow. There are a hundred moments each day that I thank Heaven that I am home with them and get to see such and such milestone or cute interaction, etc happen. So, I know I'm in the right place, doing the right thing. That's not the problem. The thing is that I think when I was more busy and had more structure to my days that I was more productive with my "free time". I want that back.
Being a great mom (and all that entails in my mind) was much easier in theory. Haha. Right. :) I have realized over the last year that being totally devoted to my kids does not come naturally to me and an awful lot of selfishness does. It's really unfortunate. I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to be better than I am. I've realized a lot of my weaknesses this last year and I want to overcome them and live my dreams. So as part of the quest to become the mom I want to be (and need to be!), I have been toying with an idea and I want your opinion. I am thinking that it might help me (and my kiddos) to have a schedule for the day. Obviously not a nazi-ish schedule that must be followed to the minute. But a schedule to give some structure to our day and make sure I am accomplishing some of the good things I want to with my home and family - like some teaching time, craft/artwork/fun activity time, cleaning time for me/show time for Elena, etc.
Our day now looks something like this (I'm going to bare my soul here - don't judge too harshly :)):
9:00am-ish - kids wake up
9:00-10:00am-ish -laze around, get breakfast, maybe get kids dressed
10:00-2:00pm - who knows? a little of this and a little of that. most days there is some show watching, kids playing, story time. on a really good day, i'll squeeze in something creative or educational. on a not so good day... probably more of that lazing around part mixed in with a little bit of keeping kids alive and doing a load of dishes...we'll stop there. :)
2:00-4:30 pm - nap time
4:30-6:00pm - who knows? kids play, Elena helps out with various household things, maybe colors while I make dinner
6:00pm or 7:00pm or 7:30pm or 8:00 pm (!)- dinner
See what I mean. Yikes! Something needs to change! I haven't crafted it yet, but a lightly scheduled day could look something like this:
9:00 am-ish: kids up, dressed, and eat breakfast
9:30 am-10:30 am: teaching time (counting/sorting game with m&ms, work on letters, music, etc.)
10:30am-11:00 am: reading time (mom reads stories)
11:00-12:00 pm: outside activity (going on a walk, playing in the snow, swinging in the backyard, etc. obviously we're limited now with Elena's ANC, but later this could include things like going to the park, to a children's museum, etc.)
12:00 pm- 12:30 pm: free play while mom gets lunch ready
12:30-1:00pm: lunch
1:00-3:00pm: nap
3:00-3:30pm: craft/artwork (coloring, play-doh, painting, working on a craft, etc.)
3:30-4:30pm: watch a show
4:30-6:00pm: free play, help mom around the house (Elena sometimes likes to help with the dishes, fold laundry, help cook dinner - those sorts of things.)
6:00pm: dinner
Now of course, that is all flexible depending on our mood, what's going on that day, etc. Sometimes Elena really wants to watch a show first thing in the morning and we could switch that around, etc. And obviously all of that goes out of the window on chemo days. We can adapt it how we need to, but I think the idea has merit and would dramatically improve our days!
So, #1 - what do you think of the idea of having a lightly structured day at home? Do you think it would work? Do you think it's a good idea? Any ideas about the schedule? Do you think it would help increase the productivity/quality of our days?
And #2 - do you have any other ideas that you personally do to be productive with your kids? Things you know work for your mom/sister/aunt/friend? Things you've read?
12 comments:
this is like my never-ending battle--routine and productivity. something that has helped me is to have a list (either written or in my head) of things I want to have accomplished by bedtime the next day. Also, something that helps me is that I try to get all of my work done early--dinner preparation, cleaning, etc...because then I can't procrastinate it, and it gets done. I think that routine and consistency in a child's life (as well as in an adult's life) is sooooo important. I like your idea of structuring your time a bit more with teaching moments, etc. I am excited for when I can do a few more teaching things with Cameron. Right now we stack blocks, read books, sing songs, and crawl around on the floor--I do need to be better at making sure we get that quality time in though. I'm excited to see how your schedule pans out and what works for you guys!
I love it. The hardest part is figuring out WHAT TO DO for a 21-month old in the way of teaching/crafting. I think a posted schedule would definitely help, and right next to that, a notepad to-do list for the week so you know just how flexible you can be and so you don't let important things fall through the cracks. I struggle with everything you said every single day. It's like, it's busy all the time, but you're also bored a lot of the time, too. Who knows, by the time we have this motherhood thing all figured out, our kids will have moved out of the house. :)
Oh wow. I have too many comments.
1. I feel like you do. You are not alone!
1.5 Things will change drastically when Elena is done with treatments AND when your girls are in preschool, grade school, sports, music lessons, dance, etc.
2. I have a pretty set schedule for the kids. It's the best! I expect a lot from them. We get up and eat breakfast the same time everyday right before John leaves for work. It was a lot harder to have a consistent schedule when John was a student. I think the kids need consistency - there is a lot less complaining when they know what to expect.
3. When the kids were little I set up time each morning where we did reading/letters and music time.
I am a pretty structured routine person and sometimes people might classify my shedules/routines as Obsessive Compulsive. But, it gets me through my day proud of what we accomplished. It is only a preparation to when I have 3 teenagers!
Good luck! I'm sure you're doing wonderfully!
structure helps so much, I find on the days I just let things happen the days seems to flit by and on the days I plan I get so much more done! You'll feel so much better with structure, plus you'll be able to do things for yourself without feeling guilty about it (which you shouldn't anyway;).
Briana, I know I just met you and your cute girls briefly at clinic last Thursday but I was SO impressed with your calm, sweet demeanor. You were there with two little toddlers for the majority of the day but you stayed composed (on the outside anyway). Seriously....you were there before we arrived and were still there when we left! I think I would have been agitated, tired and in tears!!!! OH and your darling Elena! What a cutie she is! I loved when she walked over to say hello to us....holding on to her IV pole, all hooked up. She has such beautiful, blue, bright eyes that are wise beyond her years. I truly believe that these Cancer kids are incredibly strong spirits! You can just feel it! Anyway, I'm always happy and honored to meet other kids and families that are going thru similar experiences. No matter what you decide to do with scheduling.....I just wanted you to know that I think you are an amazing, loving Mom. It was very nice to meet you and your darling Elena!
~ Grandma Di-Di (Cami's G'ma)
Well, as I'm sitting here typing thru tears...I am just amazed at the things that you do, have done, accept as "normal" (I'm sure I'd be pulling my hair out!)...how does one possibly think of having a "schedule" with ALL that goes on in the "life & times of the Hoffman Family"!!
But...I have to admit, I do like your schedule that you have put up...it is good to have the structure, but still have the ability to change it around to meet the daily needs/whims of all. I can't even imagine what it is like to be in your days (and nights)! You kids have no idea how much we admire you!!! Ok, so breakfast doesn't happen today until 9, or a load of clothes gets thrown in at noon...so what! Briana, what you are doing with/for those girls is so much worth more than sticking to a schedule!! I know some people function better with a schedule, but sometimes, they just aren't that important!! ;) You deserve the relaxing time that you take, to spend with those two little ones...one of these days, they will be in school & then you can make (and keep) YOUR schedule...in the meantime, keep the flexible one that you posted in your blog...it sounds relaxing, yet productive!! You are AWESOME, my darling Granddaughter!! We love you guys!!
Hi Briana, this is Lea Shepherd... You asked me on McKalls blog what phase she was in and I didnt know how to reply...shes finished DI and is starting Maintenance on Thurs.
I read your schedule post...I am a BIG fan of a schedule. I do mine a little opposite of you. I am most productive in the morning so after I get my two oldest girls off to school I make beds and clean house. (whatever I decide needs done that day) then I use the afternoon for play/free time. McKall was going to start preschool this fall, but thats not happening so we have started to work on some things at home.
I think schedules are great for helping you accomplish all that you want to get done. I feel so much better when I feel on top of things, but I also have learned to cut myself some slack. Things like teething babies, and headaches (to name a few) always come up, and have to be dealt with.
Good Luck! It is the hardest part (i think) of being a stay at home mom...trying to balance all you "want" to do with all you "need" to do. Sounds like youre doing awesome.
PS-if theres an award for longest comment ever...I just won it! :)
I think a schedule is a great idea! Of course, as always with little ones, you'd have to be flexible, but you already know that. I've toyed with the idea myself, but never really buckled down to do it. However- I have found some things that help me feel exponentially better about myself as a mom and our day. First, we (almost) always get up and get ready, have breakfast first thing. Sophie now knows that that is a must before we do anything else. I love that. Also, there is one show a day(or a computer game-- whichever she chooses) after lunch and during lincoln's nap. This way I still get a little me time, but Sophie knows not to expect it all the live long day. I think the structure we do have is good for her little personality. I know Jen and Amy do a "chore chart" with rewards for doing things like getting ready, picking up toys, etc. I think that is a fun idea. I'm excited to hear how it all goes!
Aww.. you have gotta give yourself more credit... being a stay at home mom (especially to a child going through what elena is going through) is very hard! I am all about the schedules but mainly only for wake up time, nap time and bed time. everything else in between we just wing it depending on how koda is feeling. Just do what works best for you hun! When does elena get her wish granted by the way?
First: You have been and are in survival mode, so PLEASE don't berate yourself!!!! I think it's almost always like that with a new baby. Now, shall we add dealing with leukemia? Yes. Give yourself a pat on the back. You've survived and you're almost there! Sometimes surviving is all you can do. Sometimes you have to struggle as hard as you possible can just to maintain . . . tread water . . . and when you're in a time like that (which you have been), survival is all that matters.
Second: I completely understand what you're describing. I remember days with preschoolers--especially when they were still waking up during the night--when the days and nights just melted together, and I would at times find myself halfway through the day and still in pajamas! So you're not weird.
Third: Yes, as you're ready, I think a schedule of some sort will probably help you accomplish more and feel better. Just resist the temptation to make it so complex and so demanding that you can't do it, and end up feeling like you've failed. I have some experience with that :) Start small. Then add a couple of new things. Your ideas are great.
So pretty quickly after Maggie was born I tried to implement a strict schedule. I wanted to do this for several reasons. First, I felt like a bad mom for letting my kids watch movie after movie. Second, this is when Atticus's behavior was going through the roof and I thought if I was more proactive he and Jo might fight less. And third, I wanted them to do activities which were stimulating to their little minds and bodies. I guess that kind of goes along with the first- not so many movies. I also wanted to make sure certain things were getting done- like vitamins, morning and evening prayers, scriptures, brushing teeth in the morning and night time. Etc. I am definitely a list oriented person. The schedule only lasted one day. BUT. It's not because it was too hard or a bad idea. even though it was pretty strict I didn't feel bad if we switched things up. The thing I gained long term from this was that I now have a mental list in my head of possible activities for the kids (a walk outside, play dough, puzzles, coloring, making food with Mom, jumping off the couch to dixie chicks, a movie, painting, hide and seek, reading, etc.). I use it everyday when things start getting a little out of control. I just think of something to switch the situation up for Jo and Tic. And I'm trying hard to stick to one kid movie a day. They fought a lot at first but are playing better than they ever have together now. The end. Good luck! And I think you truly are a wonderful mom/wife/housekeeper. Keep it up yo.
I think every Mom goes through this! I'm constantly thinking I'm wasting the days away and like I'm never accomplishing anything! ugh... I think a schedule is a great idea, for you and your girls. But don't be too hard on yourself if one day you feel like a movie marathon :)
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