Hyrum Wayne

He is here!

In a complete whirlwind, but under the Lord's watchful eye, 

Hyrum Wayne Hoffman

was born via emergency c-section at 29 3/7 weeks on

September 10, 2014

 at 8:30 pm

weighing 1 lb 15 oz

and measuring 15" long.

Here's our little guy at about two weeks old. He will be in the NICU for a few months as he continues to grow and develop and overcome some obstacles. They are taking great care of him and he is doing great. Miraculously well. He was within hours of not making it when he was born and then is quite premature, but The Lord has blessed us tremendously and Hyrum is strong and progressing well. We are so in love with this little guy. And we can't wait for the day when our family gets to be at home under one roof. 

More will come later as we have little moments of time to spare. As for the rest of us... Well... Life keeps taking unexpected turns. I don't understand why things had to happen this way, but I do know The Lord will get us through. This scripture from Doctrine and Covenants 127:2 has been on my mind the last week or so and it describes a lot of my feelings:

And as for the perils which I am called to pass through, they seem but a small thing to me...and for what cause it seems mysterious, unless I was ordained from before the foundation of the world for some good end, or bad, as you may choose to call it. Judge ye for yourselves. God knoweth all these things, whether it be good or bad. But nevertheless, deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth; for behold, and lo, I shall triumph over all my enemies, for the Lord God hath spoken it.

Summer Happenings: A random sampling of everything else

Overall, it has been a fast and good summer. Fast summers are good in my world in this Arizona heat. :) Here is a little glimpse of some of the "daily":

In July, we celebrated TWO YEARS OFF TREATMENT!!! What on earth? Is that cool and amazing and hard to believe or what? She is doing fantastically well. Her risk of relapse is as low as it will ever be - she is well beyond the most risky stage for that. Anymore cancer would probably be considered a secondary cancer as a side effect of treatment from here on out. She still gets monitored every two months for long term effects and proper development and such, but she is doing very well. Her biggest scars at the moment are emotional and there are some hard days... poor girl. But we are so proud of her and grateful for where she is at. It is a miracle! When she was diagnosed, we could hardly imagine being done with treatment period, let alone two years OFF treatment! To celebrate that big milestone, Elena chose dinner out at Chili's.

And it was freaking hot... a lot.

But with the heat, there are a lot of amazing desert sunsets to be had:

 We made several trips (across the street :)) to visit Daddy at work. I have fond memories of visiting my dad at work as a young child (sugar cubes, an old DOS golf game on the computer, and the smell of oil and grease and tires and cars) and so this made me smile to think about the memories our girls are creating. One of those memories will surely be that Eric lets them get a treat out of the vending machine when they come. Definitely a highlight. :)

Our little engineer in his cube - with lots of things to make it "Eric" - I spy a fish in a vase, some greenery, and a little BYU love.

Engineering space camp photo!

Although I'm at 29 weeks now, here's the latest belly shot at 27 weeks. This is getting serious, people- we are down to every 2 weeks appointments with my midwife!

We braved the heat a few less insane mornings (like the mornings we can get out early when it's only in the 90's) and enjoyed some nice walks. 

We have been counting down for the first BYU football game of the year all summer and the day before the game, I walked into Elena and Lily's room to see them all prepped and ready. :)

Elena, Lily, and I had fun decorating the house for the first game and surprising Eric. When he walked in the door Elena shouted, "It's a secret wonderland forest of BYU football!!!" Hahaha. Secret wonderland forest, indeed. :)

For Christmas, we got the girls a baby bird. She is a Parrotlet and the girls named her Blueberry Gogurt (Lily) Snow (Elena) Hoffman - Blueberry for short. She is funny and smart and not too loud and a good deal of fun to have in the house. We had many hours of playing with and laughing at our funny bird.

Lily is still crazy. And stinking cute. She has such a BIG personality inside that little body - she confounds Eric and I on a daily basis and all we can do is laugh and shake our heads at her.

Everyone is getting rather excited to meet little baby boy. One day shortly before our ultrasound, Elena spent her quiet time browsing a baby book for possible names for this baby. This list is pure awesome, but our favorites are probably: Boromeo (pronounced Bore-o-mayo), Earl, and Feo. :)

And we've enjoyed some good pool time, as well. 

Goodbye summer! And here's to fall and football season and babies and less heat (please, please come on cooler temperatures!) and holidays and all the wonderful things that come from here on out!

Summer Happenings: Dance for Elena

Elena has been begging since she was about two and a half to take a dance class. It never happened for a variety of reasons. Over the last year, we toyed with the idea of a dance class more seriously, but I was really hoping to find one that was a good balance between technique and just letting the kids move and express their natural creativity. And also a class that didn't try and make six year olds look like 16 year olds. I have a friend in our ward here who happens to have a Master's degree in dance and teaches part time at ASU in the dance department. She is a lovely modern dancer with a lot of talent, knowledge, passion, and an awesome personality. At the beginning of the summer, we worked out a great trade and she agreed to teach a 6 week dance class for Elena, her daughters, and two other friends. Elena was ecstatic when we told her that her long awaited dreams of a dance class were about to be realized. And I was as pleased as punch to have found such a perfect dance class - down to every particular. I knew Elena would be having fun, getting a good education, and have her love of dance and movement nurtured and not quashed.

Dance class was a sweeping success! Elena loved every minute of it and learned some good things along the way. Next Saturday she gets to participate in a dance festival that her teacher is helping to put on and hopefully more classes with Miss Sarah will be in store in the future!

Here is a clip from one of her classes.

Summer Happenings: Camp!!!!

I anticipated camp this year as being even more delightful and refreshing and fun than usual and it totally lived up to all of that for me. An Oregon forest in July is always an amazing change from July (=Hades) in Arizona. The company was superb (as always!). The kids were stellar and fun and talented. The creative outlet was rejuvenating. I laughed my guts out, cried some, got lots of good, motivational food for thought, stayed up til 4 am chatting with ladies that I love. I am such a blessed lady to have the opportunity to teach at camp every summer and to get to rub shoulders with all the amazing people that I work with. 

I left camp smiling from ear to ear - ready to be with my peeps again, but totally jazzed and renewed from a completely lovely week. Seriously - a great group of kids, amazing co-workers, totally inspirational, life-changing material taught all week, doing something that I love, and all in the middle of a forest in Oregon - could it get much better??

My (sainted) sister-in-laws kept Elena and Lily for us all week. It was a long week for all of them, but I am so grateful everyone came together, so I could have this week of camp. On Sunday morning I was off bright and early to the airport. In Oregon, Emily met me in Portland and we had lunch and much good chatting and headed down south. After the usual stop for the week's provisions, we arrived!

The weather was great all week - a mixed bag of some hot (although not compared to AZ!), some humid, some chilly nights, some downright perfect days, and always gorgeous, crisp cool mornings. I was pretty spoiled waking up every day to cool, quiet forest mornings with birds chirping around me. Boy, I could get used to that... I always say I am not a morning person, but if those were my mornings every day, I might just be one to pop up out of bed. :)

Pretty, pretty Camp!

 A lovely sunset one night

 Emily and I all dressed up for the tea party we had with the college kids. 

Afterwards they were gracious enough to let us give them seminars. Emily's was based on Theodore Roosevelt's quote about living "in the arena" and putting it all out there and taking risks and really living and doing. Mine was about identifying and working through limiting beliefs and remembering our potential.

I found this little story that I LOVE that I shared:

When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless”. We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment of a seed.

            When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; we do not criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place, and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development.

            The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change. Yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is.

            A flower is not better when it blooms than when it is merely a bud, at each stage it is the same thing…. A flower in the process of expressing its potential.

-Timothy Gallway

There was also much silliness at camp. And plenty of space camp:

Space camp at one in the morning!

Thanks to Emily's genius, we did "Tutu Tuesday" with the guard. (And "Leg Warmer Thursday" and a few candy breaks.)

And there were staff pictures in Willow's afro wig:

 One hot day Scott decided the whole camp needed to change it up and he took his seminar down to the creek and afterwards everyone played in the water. It was gorgeous! Some of the lady staff in the creek:

On Saturday the kids had their performance and we all said goodbye. The kids are always great, but this year's group was really fantastic. Our little group of guard ladies was especially fun and talented. We each wanted to kidnap them and take them home with us to be in our guards. As Emily jokes: Pretty AND Smart.

Staff picture in the silly parade float that now resides at camp:

Field tech performance:

The guard track had probably their best show ever this year:

Drum Major performance:

A really fun treat for me this year was that my seminary teacher, Brother Moses', son was at camp! So, so fun. (And crazy! Where does the time go that his kid is a drum major and a senior?!) And what a small world. It's funny how life goes around and comes around like that. On Saturday, I was thrilled to get to see Brother Moses and his wife and chat for a while after the performance. Sure love that guy. He definitely ranks as one of the most influential people and greatest examples in my life.

Another fun thing at camp this year was that Sam and I were both pregnant at the same time! Sam is having her first baby - a girl- in just a few weeks! And I had just found out a few weeks before that I am having a boy. We sure had fun sharing stories and being the camp preggos. Haha. :) My pregnancies with Elena, Lily, Kate, and now this little guy have all overlapped with camp. Kind of cool that they have all shared that with special week with me.

The week ended on a crazy note when we hit an hour and a half standstill on the freeway due to a bad accident on the way back up to Portland (I had fallen asleep and had no idea) and I missed my flight back home. I got to the airport 10 minutes before my flight was leaving and was kind of freaking out. But the good people at Southwest helped me out and I (literally) ran to a flight that was half an hour away from take off (the last one to Phoenix for the day!). I'm sure the crazy pregnant lady in flip flops running through the airport was quite a sight. But there was no charge for the change over and the Southwest staff were all smiles and helpfulness. I am a fan of that airline! I had a layover and a delay in Vegas, but did eventually make it home late that night. Phew! :) It actually made for quite a neat experience - the Lord took care of me in what felt to me like a desperate and potentially unsolveable situation - what do you do when you get to the airport with only 10 minutes before your flight leaves?? But He worked it all out as smooth as butter. The whole evening rest of the evening I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of peace. The whole night was a beautiful reminder to me that "He's got this." Which I'm trying to make my new mantra. My life is in His hands and He can get me through anything that comes.

Hooray for another amazing year of camp! I can't wait for next year!

I'll lift you and you lift me and we'll both ascend together

My dear friend, Emily, runs the dance program at Linfield College. She sent me a message shortly before their end of the year show that she had choreographed a piece about us, I guess you could say.

In her words, "...it's about how all of us need some support at times and we need to surround ourselves with people who do that. The soloist is you and me."

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be in Oregon for the show, but today she e-mailed me the link for the recording from one of their shows. I watched it and cried all the way through it from the beauty, meaning, and feeling of it all. I love how music and dance can transmit- in mere seconds- deep emotion and meaning straight from heart to heart and soul to soul without any words. I learned things about myself, relived months of emotion, felt loved and understood - all in three and a half minutes.

Thank you, dear friend. You are a beautiful dancer and an even more beautiful person.

Here's Emily's students performing, "I'll Lift You and You Lift Me, and We'll Both Ascend Together" to Your Hand in Mine by Explosions in the Sky:


(the whole thing is gorgeous, but from about 1:35 on I'm a complete sobbing mess. So good.)

March 18th, 2014

Tonight I am feeling so grateful. We have so many good, kind, generous people around us. Eric, Elena, and Lily are with me and they are awesome. We have survived through the last little while of our life! We've even made some pretty good memories and shared some fun times along the way. The Lord is so good to us and we have the fullness of His Gospel in our lives. We are just blessed.

Today was the 4th anniversary of Elena's diagnosis with leukemia. It was a good day. Some parts heavy and reflective. But mostly busy and good and lots of feeling amazed and thankful as we thought back on what we've come through.

We held our 4th annual blood drive today - more to come on that later. As we were quieting down for the night, we took some time sitting with Elena and talking about cancer, things she remembers, the significance of today, etc. It is so interesting now that she is older and can articulate her thoughts and feelings and memories. I was telling her how proud I was of her and how strong I thought she was and asked her if she wanted to see pictures of herself on March 18th from the last few years, so she could see how far she's come and how strong she is. She very emphatically replied "no". Eric was reminiscing with Elena about various things from her diagnosis and treatment. Elena brought up a memory of one night when we were inpatient and she woke up and started messing with the blue part of the tubing between her port and the IV pole and unhooked it and the negative pressure started drawing blood out of her port. She woke us up and was covered in blood, blood all over the bed, etc. And we were freaking out for a little bit until we figured out what had happened. We had forgotten about that - I don't think we've ever talked about it since it happened years ago. It was so interesting that she brought it up. 

Eric asked her what the scariest part of all her cancer was and first asked, "Was it getting all the pokies?" 

She said: "No! When I had to go to sleep [anesthesia] at the hospital, when I was going to sleep, the doctor's face looked normal but his hat and his arms and all his body looked like a scary metal skeleton body. It was really scary!" 

We had no idea! But she always freaked. out. with any anesthesia. Poor thing. 

Also, she told us that she hates going to the hospital now because right when you walk in it smells exactly like it did when she had to get chemo and she doesn't like the smell. She has a lot of anxiety and starts acting up when we have to go to the hospital. So, that was an interesting revelation. 

Elena vacillated back and forth between seeming like it felt nice to talk about it to seeming really uncomfortable and asking to talk about birds or something else. Cancer is still a pretty emotional issue for her at times. Sometimes, she is pretty excited and light hearted about it, "I'm so strong! I beat my cancer!". And other times, she doesn't want to think or talk or hear about it and gets scared. Sometimes it's easy for us to breeze through life with her - she is doing SO well. We worry about things at school, get frustrated by some behavior, take pride in a new accomplishment of hers, etc., but cancer and all she has been through are sometimes very far from our minds. Which is amazing in and of itself. But on days like today, it is interesting to spend some time slowing down and pondering those experiences. We went through some crazy hard things. To the casual observer, Elena looks like any other six year old. But she has been through an insane amount of... total crap, to be perfectly honest. She is amazing. I need to remember that more. I am so proud of her. She is an exceptional little lady. 

There were some sobering moments as we talked with her tonight, but the overwhelming feeling I was left with at the end of the day was gratitude. I don't know if it's because of 

1. the passage of another year or 

2. the fact that so many more hard things have happened since cancer to fill my heart and emotions or 

3. because of answered prayers for our strength and comfort or 

4. because we held our blood drive today and stayed busy or 

5. because of how well Elena's doing 

or a combination of all five, but I didn't feel the usual knock-my-socks-off wall of sadness and anxiety hit me this March 18th. Instead I felt peace and quiet inside. I felt more acceptance. Cancer crazy stinkiness - that all happened. A lot of it was pretty awful. The learning and growing experience as a whole was pretty neat. We made it. We're going to keep making it. And I'm working hard to really turn my life and my will over to the Lord- to accept that He has a plan for my life that is wonderful. I can sit back and trust Him and seek to do His will every moment of every day because He's got this.

Goodness

Our blood drive turned out to be a big success! Our goal was 85 donors and we had over 95 people through the door and collected 83 units of blood. Yeah! A huge thanks to everyone for their support - both with blood, volunteer efforts, and just stopping in to say hi and tell Elena congrats. :) And a big thanks to all those who are far away and gave blood, spread the word, ran in races in Elena's honor, etc. this weekend. It means so much and we felt so much love and support. We are surrounded by the best people!

It was a good day. Service truly is healing. As wonderful as it is for the receivers, it is equally helpful to the giver. It felt SO good to be there. All of the melancholy and sadness of Friday was replaced with busy cheerfulness, hope, love, and a sense of accomplishing something really important. It also kind of felt like sticking it in the face to cancer. Like, I'm not just going to sit here and feel sad and let you run all over us. I'm going to do something to combat your evil ways, stupid cancer. :)

I'll let the pictures share the rest of the day:

Lily thumbs up and ready to get this party started!

A few of many who came to give blood

Yeah, blood! :)

We set up a few tables with some special things to mark Elena's anniversary. One had information about joining the bone marrow registry and shared our friend, Millie's, story about trying to find a match. Eric couldn't give blood, but worked hard to talk to everyone sitting by the table about the registry and encourage them to join. And I think we got quite a few people to go sign up!

We also had pictures of Elena from the last two years spread around.

This is our relief society president, Monica. :) Elena affectionately dubbed her "Leprechaun Lady". She couldn't give blood, but stopped in to show support and pass out gold coins.

More of our great ward members

I love these two!

Elena and our wonderful landlord, Diane, who dropped a pint of blood and then stayed all day and helped us.

Yay for a great day!

Elena and Aunt Julie

Elena and the blood collection staff. Thanks everyone!