Hyrum's Birthday, part 2

...continued from part 1....

That nurse left the room to call the doctor and the original nurse who had helped me busied herself checking and adjusting a few things.

Eric broke the silence. "So, I'm just trying to figure out my work schedule and what I should tell my boss...Do you think I will need to take work off tomorrow and the next day - do you think there's a good chance something might happen in the next day or two or will it be more of just like monitoring?" Our minds were still focused on the option of extended bedrest and monitoring.

"Uhhh, yes. I would definitely plan on being here," she replied in a tone that communicated more than her few words did.

Eric and I let that sink in, our heads still reeling. What was happening? A few moments later, the nurse who had left to call Dr. Elliott returned with a steroid shot and some news. "Well, here's your first steroid shot. The goal is to have steroids on board for at least 24 hours in order for them to be effective in helping prepare baby's lungs. We'll give you another shot tomorrow. And we are going to continue to update Dr. Elliott, but it looks like there is a good chance we'll need to do a c-section sometime this weekend."

My mind went into panic mode. What?! This is really happening?! Not just a vague possibility of a c-section, but they are actually planning on it? I'm going to have a c-section. I'm going to have a c-section. This can't be happening! And this is so early - 29, maybe 30 weeks. My mind was completely overloaded.

After the steroid shot, another hard braxton hicks contraction came. Again, Hyrum's heart followed the same pattern as before: woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh during the contraction and then a lethargic lub............lub.............lub.............lub........... after the contraction ended. The nurses watched the screen intently and were quiet. Another hard braxton hicks a few minutes later with the same heatbeat pattern over the monitor. The same nurse as before said she was going to go out to call Dr. Elliott again. Eric and I looked at each other tensely.

A few minutes later, the nurse came back in. "Okay, just talked with Dr. Elliott. We are going to do a c-section later tonight. It'll probably be a few hours still because Dr. Elliott is finishing up some things and needs to prep. So we'll just continue to monitor baby and we'll update you more later when Dr. Elliott gets here."

Eric and I were reeling. This was all happening so fast. We were having a hard time changing from extended-hospital-stay-still-pregnant-for-a-while-mode to this-baby-is-coming-soon-and-what-does-that-all-mean mode.

The nurse went on to explain some more about what would happen and another Braxton Hicks contraction came in earnest. Hyrum's heart rate seemed to slow more than ever after the contraction finished. Again, the nurses watched the screen and waited. Another Braxton Hicks contraction and this time there was a little lag with silence after the contraction finished. Come on, baby! Then a very slow lub........................lub.....................lub....................lub that slowly gained speed.

"I really don't like what baby's heart is doing. I am going to go call Dr. Elliott again." The nurse said and quickly walked out of the room.

Just a minute or two later, she was back. "We need to get baby out immediately. Dr. Elliott is on his way right now and we are going to move you to OR to get you ready and we will do a c-section just as soon as you are prepped. The NICU team is going to meet us there."

In less than two hours after arriving at the hospital we had gone from not knowing what was happening to probably staying for a few days to having a c-section that weekend to having a c-section that night to having a c-section NOW. They wheeled my bed to the OR and I am pretty sure that I started going into shock. My mind was a jumble, my heart was racing, and I felt so confused, yet also strangely peaceful and resigned. It was a strange slightly out of body experience as I lay there trying to wrap my brain around what was about to happen. While they were readying the OR, they had me in a prep room where they started an IV, gave me some magnesium through the IV (to try and protect Hyrum's brain since he would be so early), shaved all my nether regions (so lovely), and inserted a catheter (OUCH!!!! pretty sure getting a catheter in when you are contracting and scared and tense out of your wits might be ranked up there with natural childbirth). This all happened in a matter of minutes and they went out to check on Dr. Elliott's whereabouts. Eric gave me a quick priesthood blessing.

The nurses came back in to let us know that Dr. Elliott would be here and ready in about 15 minutes or less and we would head into the OR now to start the anesthesia. Anesthesia! I had forgotten. One thing I did know about c-sections from a few birth stories I'd read was that there were a few options for anesthesia - a spinal which would be similar to an epidural and I'd be awake or a general which would knock me completely out. And I knew that most emergency c-sections had to be done under a general if an epidural wasn't already started because there wasn't time to wait. Oh, how I wanted to be awake! We didn't even know if Hyrum was going to make it. I did not want to be asleep for hours and miss those moments -however they turned out.

"Could I get a spinal instead of a general? "I asked. "I really want to be awake."

The nurse thought for a moment. "Well, yes, if we go right now. There is probably just time before Dr. Elliott gets here. Dad, you come with me and get scrubbed up and they will wheel mom into the OR to get the spinal going. We've got to hurry."

I count the timing of everything, so that they could just squeak in a spinal, as one of the many miracles and blessings of that night. It was such a tender mercy!

Eric got scrubbed and gowned up:

And I met the super sweet nurse anesthetist and anesthesiologist in the OR. The nurse anesthetist was very friendly and gentle and I could have kissed him after he started the spinal and the pain from that dang catheter finally disappeared and that tingly, warm feeling spread all over me and relaxed away some of my fear. As long as I felt so tingly and warm, it couldn't be too bad, right? Haha. Gotta love that crazy anesthesia feeling. The anesthesiologist was this extraordinarily sweet old man who stayed by my head the whole time Dr. Elliott did the c-section and tried to reassure me. He totally lied through his teeth about how they were just "tugging a little on my stomach" when they started to cut into me. :) The dialogue from the other side of the curtain let me know exactly what was going on, but it still makes me smile to think about that sweet old man trying to calm me with a kind little lie.

Eric came in, after what seemed like an extra long time, but was probably really only a few minutes. I had no idea what was happening and I was worried they would try to start without him.

Just waiting for Dr. Elliott and about to begin

Dr. Elliott came in to the room a moment later and introduced himself briefly. Interesting how I had never even heard of him before that afternoon- let alone seen him. Life is funny. He gave us his quick assessment of the situation. Baby was in severe distress and he wasn't sure if he would even be alive when they got him out, but they were hoping for the best. He introduced us to some of the NICU team, including Dr. Lang who would be Hyrum's primary NICU doctor. In a few more sentences he summarized the basics of the surgery he'd be doing and then he quickly went to the other side of the curtain to begin.

The c-section was odd. I don't know what I expected. I guess coming off of my last birth experience with Kate - a dynamic, charged, gorgeous natural birth - this seemed so passive and anticlimactic. In spite of being packed with an assortment of doctors and nurses form various teams in the hospital, the room was near silent. Everyone was watching and waiting. It seemed like everyone was holding their breath.

Dr. Lang (left) and the NICU team watching

There was just some quiet, intermittent words from Dr. Elliott and his assistant - requests for a tool, or some comment for the record. I couldn't see a thing since the curtain was up (probably for the best because me and bloody internal organs don't do so well together), so I just relied on their commentary to know what was going on.

"Steroids on board?" Dr. Elliott asked.

"No, one dose given about 45 minutes ago." A nurse briefed him.

"If you do the incision between here and here, I find that's best." Dr. Elliott's voice.

"Scalpel." Dr. Elliott again.

A few more words. Then silence. And then, so quietly I almost missed it, Dr. Elliott said, "Baby's out. Time?"

"8:30." Another voice answered.

Baby's out! Really? So quiet! No cries. No joyous exultations. Just a silent OR. No one even said anything to me about Hyrum being born. Eric and I looked at each other an exchanged faint smiles at the news that Hyrum was here. But worry still creased our brows as the NICU team whisked over and grabbed Hyrum and took him to a corner of the room where an incubator and other equipment was waiting and Eric followed to get as close as he could without being in the way.

We were told later that Hyrum was in severe respiratory distress when he was born. On top of the lack of oxygen for who knows how long in the womb, his little lungs were severely underdeveloped for life outside the womb and couldn't inflate on their own. The NICU team worked quietly and intensely to help Hyrum through those critical moments after birth and get him stabilized, as Dr. Elliott worked on stitching me back up. I felt so helpless laying on that table across the room - what felt like miles from my baby. I wished someone would talk about what they were doing and give me updates!

At the ultrasound earlier in the day, they had estimated Hyrum's weight to be somewhere around 3 1/2 lbs. We were all shocked that he was so small. Although he was born at 29 weeks, we were told he was more around the size of a micro-preemie.

That bulb syringe looks huge!

Finally somewhat stable, they rushed Hyrum to the NICU.

We decided Eric should go with Hyrum while I was taken to the recovery room for monitoring. I lay there alone for a while thinking and wondering about everything that had just happened. Dr. Elliott came in to debrief with me. He was amazed that Hyrum made it. He was not expecting that. He thought, given our history, that we should check for an automimmune disorder I might have - among other things- that could possibly explain why Hyrum stopped getting oxygen through the placenta (which ended up coming back negative). They would draw some labs and send them out for testing. He had talked to Stephanie and filled her in on everything (I heart Dr. Elliott for being so respectful of our relationship and including Stephanie and keeping her informed!!). He left me with some post-op information and said he would check in on me in the morning.

Then Dr. Lang, from the NICU, came in to fill me in on Hyrum's progress. He had a really rough start, but was mostly stable. They were monitoring him closely. The next 24-48 hours would be very telling. We should come visit him in the morning. 

And finally Eric came back in and we caught each other up on our various conversations with doctors. After the requisite observation time had passed, I was wheeled up to a recovery room in the antepartum wing. (Blessedly I got to stay there for a few days before I had to get moved over to the stinking postpartum wing with all the moms and their full term babies in their rooms. There needs to be a separate wing for moms that don't fit in that box. Because that was some kind of torture, let me tell you what.) 

Trying to move from the bed they had wheeled me up in to the new bed was crazy! I hadn't been able to anticipate what having your abs sliced in half does to your ability to move. Apparently those are important muscles. :) I had a restless night as I kept waking up every hour or so in pain or to pump or with that weird,"Where am I? feeling you get sometimes waking up in the middle of the night in a strange place. 

It was a challenging, interesting, busy time. I had to set to work right away pumping. The NICU doctors - Dr. Lang especially- were very passionate about the fact that my breastmilk was absolutely critical for Hyrum. (Awesome!! I'm so grateful for that!) The NICU eagerly awaited my first delivery of milk. And I was proud and grateful that with a hospital grade double pump, I actually could produce a decent amount of milk by pumping. (Something I'd always had trouble with in the past.) The Lord truly blessed us. 

In the morning, we got to go visit Hyrum and I got to see him in person for the first time!

At the beginning, it was important to mimic the womb and keep his room dark as much as possible. (The blue light was light therapy for jaundice.) At first he was hooked up to SO many tubes and wires and machines to help keep him alive and he was on a ventilator to breathe for him.

But, occasionally, when needed, we could turn on the lights. We were instructed that we could touch Hyrum gently with clean hands by reaching through the little doors called "ports" on his incubator and placing a hand in a cupping motion around him. We couldn't stroke or rub him because with very little preemies it is too much stimulation and their skin is so delicate.

 My first time touching Hyrum - such a special moment! He was the sweetest, tiniest little thing.

Eric and Hyrum. We quickly learned that Hyrum loved to grasp our fingers. He didn't really react or respond to us at all, for a while, except for that. It was adorable and melted our hearts pretty much instantly. 

More finger grasping. :)

 That afternoon Stephanie and Crystal (who had been Stephanie's assistant at Kate's birth) came to see how I was doing and visit Hyrum. It was pretty neat having things come full circle like that. Stephanie will forever hold a special place in our hearts for her part in helping us bring Kate and Hyrum into the world. We are grateful she listened to the Lord the day that Hyrum was born and pushed for me to get in to the perinatologist. Hyrum was very close to not making it. We are so grateful for her! And Stephanie had her first baby via c-section and then went on to have all home births after that. HBAC, what! I don't know what the future will hold or what will be possible, but she is an inspiration to me! 

I had a lot of recovering and pumping to do, so we left our little man all snug in his cocoon for a little while.

We had other visits from dear family those first days (and many more in the weeks after). My sister-in-law, Kristi brought some BYU swag for Hyrum's room and the most lifesaving pumping bra that allowed me to pump hands free (a game changer since I was pumping 8 or more times a day for about a half hour each!) And Eric's sister Jenny and her husband Eric came to visit, as well. It felt so good seeing familiar faces in the middle of the chaos. Eric and brother in law Eric gave Hyrum a blessing that first day in the NICU. It was such a special experience. We know that Hyrum's miraculous, expectation defying progress was a direct result of that blessing and a lot of prayers and faith.

And so that is the story of Hyrum's birth. And the beginning of our long haul in the NICU. Hyrum is a miracle! We have been so blessed. We know that God lives and that He loves us and blesses us. We know His miraculous power healed Hyrum and sustains our family every day.