Dry run

In a perfect world, I would pop out of bed at 5:30 am, take care of my desired "me" time of prayer/scriptures study/meditation, workout, breakfast, and getting ready. Then I'd send my husband off to work with breakfast and a kiss, feed my kids, and have everyone dressed and ready around 8am-ish. The kids and I would spend the next few hours doing super awesome homeschooling - learning in the comfort and peace of our own home, with lots of time together as a family, punctuated by all sorts of amazing enrichment experiences where we went out and learned hands on in "the real world". Nature walks, trips to museums, playdates, music lessons, art group co-ops, anything you can imagine. It would be awesome. And just for fun - we'd also live on some land, with some animals, a huge garden, lush fruit trees, and a gorgeous house.

Well, we're working on the long term plan for that house and garden and land. And most days I do send my husband off to work with breakfast and a kiss. But that's about as far as the dream goes. It's more like I have these really unfortunate weaknesses and flaws (impatience, lack of self-discipline, love of nights and hatred of early mornings, to name a few). Nothing like motherhood to really kick you in the face with all the things you totally stink at. :) So, anyways... I had (and still do, really) this deeply passionate dream of homeschooling our kids. The more I started thinking and learning about the idea, the more I fell head over heels in love with it and felt like it would be a really great thing for our family. I nurtured the dream for a few years with lots of book reading, many a membership to various homeschooling forums and groups, gathering supplies, writing up lesson plans, hours of research, and lots of praying. And then all of a sudden, I started to feel stuck and hopeless and worried. And after a lot, and I mean - A LOT of struggling with myself and with the Lord, I learned that homeschooling wasn't actually the plan for our family. Unfortunately, I think it has a lot to do with me and those darn weaknesses. But I also learned that it had something to do with my very active, social, free-spirited first born and the things that might help her. And it had to do a little with my husband and his worries, desires, and preferences. And maybe it also has to do with other kids who haven't joined us yet.  And although home-schooling remains a darling wish of my heart, it's been put on the shelf for now. Maybe for good. And over the last year the Lord has been slowly showing me pieces of something that will be better for us. And it's finally starting to feel like a really good fit. 

After a bunch more reading, researching, discussing, and praying, I found a Montessori Charter School fairly close to our new place. I was pretty in love with it from first "read" on their website. And it actually came highly recommended to us by Elena's therapist (whose own kids went there a few decades ago) as a great fit for Elena's personality, talents, etc. Then last week, Eric and I went to an "introduction to Montessori/the school" parent orientation and I got even more excited and even he got pretty into it. (It may have helped Eric, the lover of all things math and science and logic, that Elena's teacher is a retired geophysicist. :)) Over the last few weeks and months, I've just been so stoked about this new plan. I love Montessori education, I heart alternatives to the public school system, and I think it's going to be a WONDERFUL thing for me, for Eric, for Elena, for all our kids, for my relationship with our kids, etc. for our kids to go out somewhere for a large chunk of their education. Elena is excited out of her little head to be "starting school". 

School won't officially start for Elena until August (6 days before my due date, by the way.... oh boy!). But  on Monday, Elena had a half-day at school as a little crash course for her and a help for the teachers to get to know the new students and make plans for next year's teaching. I'm sure we'll do all this drama all over again in August when things kick off for real, but for all intensive purposes, it was a "first day of school" for this little Hoffman family. I was slightly terrified at the thought of sending my baby out of the house for half the day to be under the care and teaching of not me. :) Eric and I both had some "first day, first kid" parent jitters. Elena was excited, but very nervous herself. And Lily was heartbreakingly sad at the prospect of half a day spent without her other half. She loves and idolizes her sister something fierce.

In spite of all those dramatics, we really all were very excited. Sunday night, there was lots of excited talk of "going to school in the morning!" We were super awesome parents and got both the girls to bed realllly late. Good thing it was a practice run, right? Elena was quite nervous and so we asked her if she'd like to have Daddy give her a blessing and she said yes. And I tell you what - it is wonderful and such a blessing to have Eric be able to give me priesthood blessings. But watching him bless our kids? That's a whole new level of wonderful. He's obviously given both girls blessings before, but there was something about this one - as we're preparing Elena for her first major time spent out of our house- that really stuck with me. I'm so grateful that the Priesthood has been restored to earth and that Eric is able to bless our home and family with it. What a wonderful protection and gift in a crazy world.

Monday morning, Elena popped out of bed with an excited smile on her face. She and I ate breakfast together while Lily dozed. We were talking about the day ahead when all of a sudden, Elena got quiet, then looked up at me and said, "Mom, I'm going to miss you!" Ah! Be still my mother heart! So sad and sweet all at once. :)

Such a big girl getting ready on her own!

All ready to go!

Between her nervous feelings and a small fall/bloody knee incident on the walk into the school, Elena wasn't feeling too sure by this point...

We turned in her paperwork and then the really nice office lady, Miss Sandy, walked Elena to the elementary classroom where we said goodbye. Which was a harder moment than I expected - I think partly because our super outgoing, usually fearless little Miss was being uncharacteristically shy and sober which made my mommy protective instincts kick into overdrive. It was hard to send her off into something new without me when she looked so vulnerable. And I had a thousand thoughts/worries running through my head: "What if she doesn't figure out where the bathroom is and has an accident and gets made fun of and if scarred for life? What if she has one of her social meltdown/freakouts that we've been working so hard to overcome? What if she doesn't eat her lunch? What if no one will talk to her or play with her?" And so on and so on. I must have said about fifty little prayers for her on the drive home.

And poor Lily. As soon as we turned and started to walk out of the courtyard, Lily's little face clouded up and she started to sob. She wouldn't talk to me for a few minutes, but then finally said that she was going to miss Elena and that she wished she could go to school, too. :) Sweet baby. She cried most of the way home, but found her perkiness again after a little while. Although she was wildly excited when it was time to pick Elena up. :)

Eric pushed his lunch back a little, so he could go with us to pick Elena up and get the report. And here she is when we picked her up:

Much more convincing!

Some of her first words when we got into the car were, "I can't wait to go back!" She had dry pants, a mostly eaten lunch, a good report from the teacher, and lots of stories from her day. 

"Some boys were chasing me and Ava around and calling us sisters. And it was so annoying! Because we are not sisters! We have the same hair and the same color eyes and glasses, but we are not sisters!"

"There's a pet tarantula in my classroom."

"Mr. Jim (her teacher) is nice. He looks different than I thought he would. I thought he would be black and have a kind of pointy head. But he's not." ???

"I drank water out of a coffee mug."

"We had to clean up lunch really quickly and so I didn't get to finish my sandwich."

"Thanks for packing graham crackers in my lunch, I didn't expect that!"

"We counted blocks and there were three blocks - one really, REALLY huge one, one this size, and one so teeny. And they had different numbers. I think one of them was worth 10?"

Her teacher sent a good report - "no crazy freak outs, she's a joy to have in the classroom, she reads so well - where did she come from?" Phew. Pretty good for a first day. We'll take it!

On the way home, we stopped for ice cream to celebrate (and because it's like 102 degrees here every day).

Overall, it was a success! And I'm pretty sure we were every bit the stereotypical cheesy, over-concerned parents that parents sending their first baby off are supposed to be. :) But we made it. It was nice to get a trial run in before August. And nice to see that it seems like a stellar fit for all of us. I'm really excited about this school. Really, really, really excited. Have I mentioned I love Montessori? I think it's going to be such a fantastic thing for Elena. And I'm grateful to finally have years of worrying and planning resolved - at least for the time being. I can't believe Elena is growing up so fast. In a few short months, we will have a six year old and a first grader! It was pretty amazing to see how far she has come over the last few years. From a hospital bed to a vibrant, bright, excited little lady getting ready for school. We are proud of all she has accomplished and all that she is. Here's to our last few months of life as we know it and another adventure coming soon!