A little parade etiquette for you all

So, let me just tell you upfront that this post is going to expose the depths of my band nerdi-ness. Why do I care about this subject? I don't know, really. It's kind of dumb in the grand scheme of things. But, every year it really gets my blood boiling, so the only answer is that I am a band nerd- to the max.

So, here in the great state of Utah, they take their parades seriously. Marching bands and colorguards don't just have a fall season and a winter season, they also have a summer parade season. We just finished an entire band camp totally devoted to parade marching. This is all very different from my experience in colorguard growing up - we maybe had one a half parades, both very sad excuses for people to come out and line the street. Our directors joked about how silly the parades were, everyone in the band joked about how silly they were, etc. So, it was quite a shock for me to start teaching in Utah and learn that the a good chunk of the summer was devoted to parades and that we would be marching in anywhere from 6-8 parades. Some of them are decently large, like the Provo parade or the Days of '47 parade (which I've been told is the third largest parade in the country, after the Rose Parade and the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade... don't know if that's true... but it is a huge parade! I felt a little like I was back in the Rose Parade.) Anyways, so I guess because of the huge emphasis on parades, I've become passionate about certain aspects of them.

So, after our first parade of the year today (and once again having to deal with some not very bright people), I feel the need to enlighten what little corner of the universe that I can, with some parade etiquette. (Now, I realize that most of my esteemed readers are too bright for any of the shenanigans that I'm going to list, so take this information and share it with your neighbors, friends, etc. - please!!)

1. There's no need to yell at the band to play their instruments or the colorguard to "'twirl their flags". It won't work. And you sound like an idiot.

No matter how many times you scream, "Hey, play something!" or "Come on! Play your instruments!" or "Make some noise!", it won't make a difference. Like one person sitting there yelling like a six year old is going to suddenly enlighten the band director and he'll think, "Oh yeah, that's a great idea. I forgot about that. We should play." I guarantee that 90% of the time, there is a good reason for the band/drumline/colorguard doing whatever they're doing (and fyi, there's a pattern to the way things are done and it usually goes like this: band plays a song, drumline plays a cadence so the band members can rest their lips, band plays a song, drumline plays a cadence, and so on.) So, sit back and relax, people.

2. Probably not a good idea to squirt water in people's faces when they didn't ask you to.

Now I realize, some people are just trying to be helpful. It's hot outside and they think the parade participants could use a little relief. There are others who are doing it to be obnoxious. But, whatever your reasons are, don't. At least not to the marching band (colorguard, drumline, etc..) Not only is it distracting to the performers, but I think it's just plain annoying to get water squirted point blank in my face by strangers.

Lastly, and perhaps, most importantly...

3. KEEP YOUR KIDS OFF THE ROAD, A.K.A. THE PARADE ROUTE!!!!!!!!! A.K.A. that place where hundreds of people, cars, bikes, floats, trailers, motorcycles, and six foot metal poles spinning at high speeds are.

Oh. my. word. There is nothing that makes me crazier! Let me explain something: so, a marching band is supposed to look intense. You know, reminiscent of their military roots. As part of this look or rather, way of being, they are supposed to remain strong, stern-faced, and not distracted by things around them. Just totally intense and focused on the job at hand. So, in this spirit, marching band and colorguard members are instructed not to move, falter, flinch, or stop for anything.

A bee stinging you while you are supposed to be at attention? Too bad. You better keep standing there.

Are your arms/hands/legs/lips killing you? I'm sorry, keep going.

(And now we come to it...)

Little kid/judge standing in your way? Hit them!

Yep, you read that right - hit them. Every single marching band/colorguard member is told to hit someone if they are in their way, rather than stop. In my colorguard in high school, we were always told that our director would pay us $20 if we hit a judge during a competition (not that you seek them out, but if they get in your way, you had better not stop spinning/dancing). It is the performer's job to perform well and everyone else's job to get/stay out of the way if they're not supposed to be there.

In spite of this truth (that a colorguard member will hit them with their flag or the marching band will keep going straight and run them down) at every single parade little kids play in the road. And worse yet, most of their parents are sitting right behind them watching or yelling for them to go out and get the candy on the road.

Like the guy yelling at me today in the parade after I yelled at a group of kids about to get hit, to watch out:

Me, to the dumb kids: "Watch out! You're going to get hit!"
Not very bright Father: "Hey, Lady! Calm Down! Blah, blah blah.... jarbled stuff I couldn't hear... Hey! You're going to hit my kid!"

Yep, I am. But it's not me you should be worried about, it's the 75-80 people coming up along side of me with large, metal poles and instruments, who are going to maim your dumb kids if they don't get out of the way.

I'm not trying to be rude when I yell at people to watch out (ok, maybe just a teensy, weensy little, tiny part of me was bordering on rude because this is such a pet peeve of mine...), I'm just trying to keep people from getting hurt, since they obviously can't see that they are in danger.

Getting hit by a flag moving at high speeds hurts. A lot, usually. I've had girls who have gotten concussions, split open their foreheads, had goose-eggs, jammed/broken fingers, etc. At the very least you're going to walk away with a good bruise and some soreness. So, imagine what this is going to do to a little kid. It's not going to be good.

And besides all this, the kids just plain aren't supposed to be in the road, walking in front of the performers.

I don't know why the lure of candy lying in the road makes parents and children alike forget about their personal safety and common courtesy. But, think of a marching band coming up the street like a train. It's not going to stop before it gets to you. It will hit you. You will get hurt. The candy on the tracks is not worth it.

So, to sum up, keep your kids out of the road! They WILL get hit. No one is going to stop or move out of the way for them!! I promise. Don't play chicken with a marching band/colorguard - you will lose. Play chicken with some other group in the parade - like the mayor, who would get a bad rap if he hit children. Run out in front of him, not the marching band.