The first verse goes - (let's do a Brianaesque contest and see who names the song/artist first. :))
He said: "I was in my early forties,
"With a lot of life before me,
"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next days,
"Looking at the x-rays,
"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do?
"With a lot of life before me,
"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next days,
"Looking at the x-rays,
"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do?
So here is my question for all readers, and I am pretty sure there is no right answer, so don't lecture, just say what you think. Please do comment though.
How do you live when you are hoping she's not dying?
I struggle with this question when I discipline her, when I tell her she can't go outside because her counts are too low, when I make her eat healthy, when she misses movies, and birthday parties, and family reunions. How do you live hoping she is not, but afraid to mention the possibility?
9 comments:
man! Such a difficult thing! Briana, I seriously think you are one awesome mom! Elena and Lily (and Eric) are so lucky to have you!
I think in actuality, all of are faced with this to a degree--we never know how much time we have left--there could be an accident, or something else that could take us or a loved one without warning. It is hard to live each moment just as well as if you knew it were your last.
And the answers is:
Tim McGraw "Live Like You Were Dying"
As for the other question. No one has the right answer. But looking a back over our situation...just make sure that no matter what, you tell them that you love them EVERY DAY! That is the best way to live like anyone is dying. Make sure that they know with out a doubt that you love them. Everything else is just extra.
wow. what a question. i don't think there is any right answer. i think right after mason was diagnosed/had his surgeries, we were willing to give him anything, let him do anything. he really lived like he was dying. now that we're more [emotionally] removed from that mindset, he gets more rules. i guess we figure that the ominous "when you're done with cancer" future is when he can be completely carefree again. and as much as we think he has it rough, it doesn't seem to bother him much. i think all kids are good at adapting to their normal.
i read a cancer blog a few weeks ago that was almost the opposite of what we do with mason. the parents felt that their child's mental health was just as important as his physical health, so they (with only small amounts of guilt, according to the mom) take their son to the childrens museum almost once a week. counts or no counts.
i think it just depends what you're willing to sacrifice now, her "freedom" and "childhood" or her health. maybe it doesn't have to be black and white either. one mental health day a month? :)
For me, keeping my daughter alive and healthy is the most important thing. I do feel bad when I have to say no to certain social situations, but I tell myself that it will all be worth it in the end. As for the discipline, I am a little less strict than I normally would be, especially when she's not feeling good. She just finished a summer cold and got all kinds of spoiled!!
I have no answers for you--except to love and to cherish the moments. Isn't that what we all need to do? Because, truth be told, any one of us could lose someone we love today or tomorrow, without warning.
I think you're doing great. You're protecting her health, but you're also making wonderful memories for your little lady. Her childhood is different from what you expected, or wanted, but it's still good.
As for discipline--be kind, be consistent, be calm--but do set limits. She'll be happier, and so will you.
Way to get us all thinking!!
We actually did live like Kaidan was dying...not to sound morbid. We knew her odds were good and obviously, we had HUGE hopes for her future, but we went everywhere and did everything as if we wouldn't be able to do it again - even with low counts (I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it did for us). We talked about it all the time..."What if she isn't here next Christmas? What if this is her last birthday with us? What if there isn't a next year for her to start kindergarten?" and so on...
I'm sad to say that we don't do that nearly as often now. It's hard to not take things for granted when you aren't reminded daily. I hate to say it, but we forget...we forget how quickly our lives changed....how quickly they could change again. We are definitely more aware of these facts, and we do remember, most of the time - but life gets back to 'normal' and we forget.
Thank you for reminding me today :)
Ahhh, one of my fave artists & songs...written about his father, Tug, when he was diagnosed with cancer.
I agree with the comments before me, you guys are doing a fantastic job! Those of us who don't deal with it on a daily basis, don't really know what your day-to-day living is like...we can only imagine.
As for the "living like they were dying"...we live life to the fullest, get the most out of everyday, and know that her life, as well as the rest of ours, is in VERY capable hands...those of our Heavenly Father.
We love you all so very much!!
I don't know a lot about this stuff. But I think you pray a lot. I think you love a lot. And I think you do what's right, which means disciplining when necessary. I think keeping the commandments in every aspect of your life goes a long way and creates an incredible atmosphere of love.
i think the most important thing you can do (which you guys are already doing) is to show unconditional love. it's not so important what activities you participate in, but that your home is filled with love. if you live that way, i don't think you'd ever have any real regrets, no matter what were to happen. in my eyes that doesn't mean you don't discipline. i think if you are discipling the right way (which isn't always or even usually the way i do... just sayin), it is loving and 100% for the kids' benefit. you'd be doing them a disservice to let behavior slide, because that's really not what's best for them. a really hard question, but thanks for giving me the chance to think about it and think about how i need to change because, like others have said, none of us know when our lives could drastically change.
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